THIRTY IS…

Last week, I thew out my back. I was pushing a few boxes around my house and when I tried to stand up, I couldn’t. I hobbled to my bed and called my mom’s chiropractor. The next day, my husband had to help me stand, get dressed and do other awkward things.

I sent a text message to my sister saying, “Is this 30? Throwing out my back and waiting desperately for the chiropractor to call me back?!” As I laid in my bed, I thought about all of the other ways that my life has changed since turning 30.

+  30 is, as I learned last week, “throwing out your back”. Who knew that was a real thing?! Well, it is and it will make you feel like you are 80 years old. You will need help getting dressed, getting out of the car and basically everything else. Basically, 30 is all of you bones falling to pieces.

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+ 30 is when smelling a doughnut makes you gain weight. I miss the days when I could chain swallow an entire bag of M&Ms and still fit into my pants.

+ 30 is forgetting how old you are. Am I 31 or 32? Could I be even older and not even remember? Let’s face it, after 21, does it even matter?

+ 30 is embracing high waisted pants. Gone are the low rise jeans of my youth! High waisted pants have been a welcome change in my 30’s because they help to keep all of my post-baby bits tucked in. People think that  I have a good figure but really, it’s just the high waisted pants keeping it all under wraps. I salute you high waisted pants. 

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+ 30 is going out at 8 PM and getting home before 11 PM. The whole time that you’re out though, you’re feeling like a total fraud and wondering why you ever left the comforts of your home and sweatpants. When you finally make your way back to your car, you see other people JUST ARRIVING and feel baffled as to why they would want to be out so late. Crazy kids!

+ 30 is paying an asinine amount of bills. Why are there so many bills? Why did my parents not warn me about this? Why does my insurance need insurance? Do I need the extended warranty on my car? Why did my water bill shoot up $30 dollars this month? So many bills, so little time.

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+ 30 is meal planning. Bleh. For people who like making dinner, you’re in luck because the rest of your life, at least while you have kids at home, will be spent meal planning. For the other part of the population, those that dislike making dinner, i.e. me, the idea of meal planning for the next 18 years years feels suffocating. Let me tell you, as soon as my kids leave home, it will be take out on the nightly. Sorry bae.  

+ 30 is coming home from the grocery store with actual food. I often look down at my grocery cart and feel a bit startled. “Who’s cart is this?” It is full of fruits, salads, avocados and vegetables. When did I become so healthy? Who have I become? 30. I have turned 30.

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+ 30 is trying to figure out what clothing stores are appropriate for you to shop in. Am I too old to shop at Forever 21? How do these girls fit into those clothes? How do they know where all of the straps and pulleys go? Don’t they know how impractical these outfits are? Looking around, I think to myself, does this mean that I have graduated to the Mrs. department in JCPenny? Horror. WHERE DO I SHOP?!

+ 30 is not caring what people think about you. Your teens and 20’s can be tough. You’re expected to finish school and go out into the world knowing exactly what you want to do and who you want to be. By the time you hit 30, that pressure decreases and even if it doesn’t you realize that people don’t care as much as you thought that they did.

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+ 30 is being excited when your friends invite you out but then being even more excited when they cancel at the last minute. Back to my bed. 

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+ 30 is lights out by 10 PM. The earlier the better!

How has your life changed since you hit your 30’s?

– Stephanie

 

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