Normally, when my family road trips, my husband is the driver and I am the passenger. He actually enjoys driving and I am a stereotypical woman and am not as skilled at the driving. My husband is a man and does some things better than me…that is okay. Not PC but truth.

When we were planning to leave Charlotte, we wanted to leave early so that we could get home early enough to spend time with our kids before they went to bed. We started driving around 6 AM and in spite of his morning coffee, by 8 AM my hubs was dragging. We decided to stop off at a road stop for about 30 minutes and take a quick nap. I am basically a sloth person so I am down to nap anytime. Thirty minutes later, he is still snoozing but in a shocking turn of events, I woke up and was ready to roll.

We switched spots and I headed out to tackle the open road. He immediately fell back asleep and I was immediately bored. We were in the middle of I don’t even know were so radio surfing was not an option and my data plan is limited so I couldn’t use Pandora. With no screaming kids to fry my brain, I was left with only my thoughts.

Thought #1 // Why is that white mini van following behind me so closely? Every time I get over to another lane, the white van gets over too. It looks like a man driving and a woman with a pillow behind her head is in the passenger seat. Her feet are propped up on the dash. She is living the life right now. Maybe she is sleeping and he is bored like me. Maybe instead of letting his mind wander, he is fighting boredom by trolling me on the highway.  I spend about 15 minutes dodging the white mini van.

Thought #2 // I am hungry and hoping to eat Firehouse Subs for lunch. Apparently, I think that I am rich. Firehouse = mucho dinero. It is only 9:30 AM so it is too early to be searching the road signs in hopes of seeing it on the sign. It made me feeling emotional for all of the people who are currently hungry and hoping to drive by the road sign and see the place they want to at eat on the sign. It is such a disappointing feeling to drive by and not see the restaurant that you want to see. Also, why do actual restaurants display their logo on those signs. Who is road tripping, sees the sign for Chilis and has time to stop to eat at Chilis? Why would anyone do that?!

Thought #3 // The Red Roof Inn sign looks like it would probably attract murderes as guests. Who designed that logo? It is bright red and looks like its dripping. I have a distinct memory of driving through a creepy town in Georgia years ago, late at night and seeing the Red Roof Inn sign hovering high about the trees. Thanks Red Roof, but I would rather sleep in my car than stop at your murder inn.

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Thought #4 // At this point, my husband has been sleeping for over an hour. I thought he would only sleep an extra 30 minutes. I would like him to wake up to keep me company. I now try to do things to encourage him to wake up, but on the down low. It has to appear accidental. Switching lanes a lot to go over the bumps. Jerking the car a little bit. Going over those little bumpy things on the side of the road. Still nothing. He clearly does not care that I am a bad driver and making poor choices on the road.

Thought #5 // Is there anything better than shaving time off of your GPS? Nope! Seeing my arrival time going from 4:46 PM to 4:44 PM is the most exhilarating feeling. I feel like I am sticking it to the road, to the cops, to everyone!

Thought #6 // Forty minutes have gone by, I am suddenly in a new state and have no idea how it happened. Do you ever just drive and then realize that you’ve gotten to your destination and aren’t sure how it happened. It’s a disturbing feeling to know that an entire part of your life passed by and you completely missed it. I am navigating around giant semi trucks. I should probably pay attention to what I am doing. This is another reminder of why I should not be behind the wheel. Short attention span problems.

Thought #7 // I keep passing by signs for Georgia Peach World. Did they try to make the little peach look like a faceless boy? The green leaves hanging over the top look like hair hanging over a peach head.

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Thought #8 // Someone is selling boiled P-NUTS at exit 44. The sign is on a giant piece of poster board and written in blood red. Note to self, avoid exit 44.

My thoughts are interrupted by pouring rain. My husband jolts up, after his 2 hour nap that was punctuated with plenty of snoring, and asks me if I’m okay to drive through the storm. Yes, duh! Though, secretly I am nervous. Thankfully we survive the rain, I find a Firehouse Subs for lunch (the sign makers showed favor upon me) and head back to my passenger seat, blanket and pillow. I discuss several of my road trip thoughts with my husband and he tells me that he doesn’t think things like that while he is driving. He just listens to music and thinks about theology and stuff he can make is his work shop. He also does not think that the peach looks like a faceless boy.

What are your most random road trip thoughts?

– Stephanie


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